Hey sweeties! 💓 After a bit of an unplanned hiatus, I’m excited to return with twice monthly newsletters about whatever’s going on in my mind and life in the moment.
JUST BETWEEN US
My annual calendar event to reflect on the last year and set intentions and goals for the next has been deprioritized and procrastinated for many days. Maybe tomorrow I won’t feel resistant to this, I think. The next day comes and I am completely unmotivated to take a deep look at the ways I didn’t fulfill the plans I’d had for the last year.
Time and time again I have found that a year holds both a brevity and a length that is difficult for me to navigate with a plan. A year is the perfect amount of time for nothing to change and for everything to change. Year after year I sit down to make specific goals to know exactly what I’m working towards, to create the future I desire. And every year by the time that future comes along a million things have shifted into and out of focus and *life* has redirected me and the specific goals I set no longer feel resonant.
This January, I am thinking less about what I want this whole year to be and more about what I want this winter to feel like. Less about specific long-term metrics to measure my success or failure by and more about the small ways I can act in alignment with my long-standing, non-quantifiable intentions and values.
In part, I also feel disconnected from the act of goal creating because I don’t have a clear vision of what I want. What do I want to do? What do I want to accomplish? What am I doing with my life? Who the hell knows. (SATURN RETURN, ANYONE?)
The what doesn’t feel like it matters so much as the how. How do I want to live? How do I want to feel? How do I want to experience this one wild and precious life? With abundant love and ease and wonder and presence amidst all the joys and all the sorrows of life. That is much more clear to me.
A year ago, I wrote: “I think at times I have been a goal-setter because I do not trust myself to work towards what I want if I have not clearly defined the outcome I desire and am actively measuring my progress towards those outcomes. But I am choosing to trust myself. Trust that I will use my available energy exactly how I need. Trust that I will do the work that matters to me. Trust that flowing with inspiration and drive will lead me to what I want.”
As I reflect on the past year, I see the way this trust in myself grew. It grew through getting things wrong and dropping the ball and wavering from my plans and accomplishing (what feels like) nothing new. It grew through following my gut and saying yes to spontaneity and trying new things. It grew through loosening my grip on my plans and flowing with what felt right.
When it comes down to it I’m still a Leo and an Enneagram 3 who loves a plan and a system for checking in. But I’m approaching it a little differently, in a way that offers myself more fluidity and grace and ease. If you’re craving some of that, here’s my little guide!
STEP ONE: Identify the main “areas” of my life.
I.e. partnership, friends + fam, work, home, my body, finances, creativity, spirituality, community…STEP TWO: What’s a longterm desire for this area of my life?
Pinpoint how you want this area of your life to feel, what your focus is, or a longterm commitment for the area. Longterm like… this decade or this life, not this year. For example…My body → Feel at home in my body and explore joyful movement
Relationships → Nurture the love in my life with intention
Spirituality → Cultivate connection to myself and the universe around me
Creativity → Honour the desire to create in new and familiar ways
STEP THREE: How do I want to honour this intention this season/month?
Choose your own adventure here! Time frame is up to you but I like the seasonal (3 month) approach. And not every life area needs a specific action for you to take this month/season - it’s okay to prioritize a few and leave the rest for a season ahead and these can change at any time. Some examples!
My body → Feel at home in my body and explore joyful movement → Daily-ish outdoor walks. (This one is very important to me this winter season so I get some movement in and get outside through these cold months.)
Creativity → Honour the desire to create in new and familiar ways → Get a sewing machine to start learning to sew.
Spirituality → Cultivate connection to myself and the universe around me → Add a 5 minute meditation to my existing journalling practice.
STEP FOUR: Incorporate check-ins into my routine.
As a self-employed person I’m already sitting down weekly to plan out my tasks and schedule for the week, so I incorporate a little check in on these intentions weekly as well. Do I want to add anything to my to-do list to take action in any of these areas of my life? What’s the priority this week? Does anything need an adjustment to feel more attainable or aligned? (I’ve got a template I use weekly in Notion, do I need to make one for y’all?) Maybe weekly is too often and maybe monthly would serve you better, do what feels good for you! Offer yourself immense grace as you check-in! Your past self is not wrestling you into submission to your intentions but rather offering a guide that your present and future self can adjust at anytime.
BETWEEN THE SHEETS
A handful of faves from the last few months…
A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon was a brilliant prequel to The Priory of the Orange Tree. This fantasy world is so beautifully developed and fascinating.
Greedy by Jen Winston was a memoir about bisexuality that just made me feel so at home and seen and also made me giggle.
Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson was a fantasy with such a unique magic system and world building! Had a heisty vibe to an underground rebellion against the powers that be. LOVED. Will be returning to the series soon.
Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah was one of my faves from the whole year.
Motherthing by Ainslie Hogarth was such a weird, creepy, psychological horror and I absolutely devoured it.
Chlorine by Jade Song was a strange, horrifying, queer coming of age story. The audiobook narration made it come alive.
In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado was art. The writing is incredible, a memoir chronicling her experience in an abusive relationship. Heavy and beautiful.
ALL THE INBETWEENS
Knitting: Finallllyyyyyy finished knitting this top and I’m in love. It’s this pattern. It was a bit more ambitious of a project than I anticipated but I’m pleased with how it turned out, wonky bits and all!
Cooking: I’ve got into the habit of picking up a rotisserie chicken at Costco every time I swing by and making broth + soup from scratch! I’ve kept it pretty simple and just cook the bones for 1-2 hours in water with chunks of carrots and celery and some fresh herbs (thyme, rosemary, sage). I get rid of all the solids and then toss in chopped carrots + celery, a bay leaf, and a bunch of salt until the veggies are done. Cook noodles separate + enjoy!
Watching:
TV - Recently finished Our Flag Means Death and LOVED (saaaaad it’s not getting another season). Currently re-watching One Tree Hill LOL.
Movies - Past Lives was potentially my favourite movie of the 80 I saw last year. The way I CRIED as the credits rolled, less devastated and more deeply touched by the depiction of love.
Listening to: The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan, Drop Cherries by Billie Marten, Salt by Half Moon Run
Thank you so much for reading this edition of BETWEEN US. Please subscribe if you haven’t yet and feel free to forward to a friend, share a snippet online, follow me on instagram / tiktok / youtube, or leave a comment with your thoughts. I loooooove to hear from ya’ll and it is the ability to connect with you that keeps me online :)
Welcome back! I really resonate with this newsletter. I also struggle to trust myself to achieve goals without a detailed plan, but sometimes with good reason, as I often get overwhelmed when I don't know where to start on a goal or task so I end up doing nothing. I coincidentally started a somewhat similar method for goal planning (though focused on the month rather than a season). I'll have to keep the seasonal schedule in mind!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts this month, it's nice to feel a little less alone in this <3